Thursday, August 12, 2010

Monitoring the Body Grampuncular Extraordinarie

I've seriously thought about giving all my shoes away!

In Bible times one way to determine a man's relative wealth was to count the numbers of pairs of shoes he owned.  

About a month ago, my feet turned into squishy basketballs. My shower shoes were the only ones that would fit to go to church.  My normal size 11s suddenly gave way to size 15s.

Swollen Orange Feet at 6:12 AM

 Though the swelling burst skin on one toe--the extra water weight has made it even more challenging to get socks on. (A pedicure would likely not go amiss) It doesn't cause me any pain, but it's, well, inconvenient.  The orange color of the feet is a spray-on tan that went terribly wrong (lol)  The numbers are the digital time (AM), date and temperature on top and the current weight below.  Though I have been a blogger,  graphic designer, writer, musician and man of stage and screen, I find medical research strangely attractive when it comes to my own body GRAMPUNCULAR.  As with design and production, finding out and fixing what needs attention so that the final outcome is first rate matters a lot to me.  I love a well crafted Excel spreadsheet, for example..  Today, I begin a quest to regain my former somewhat flabby and unathletic form--with UNSWOLLEN FEET, hopefully.

A little research on the Internet and I discovered that to solve the problem, all I needed to do was ingest less Salt, avoid sunburn, elevate my feet and crank out quite a bit more exercise. When the heart functions to improve circulation, the water would drain from the feet at the cellular level--and I would be cured.

Sorry, no such simplistic luck!

Meet my doctors:

Dr. Rojas, a native of Argentina, left,  is the supervisor of the Blue Clinic at the George E. Walen Memorial Veterans Hospital.  She gets help in a teaching hospital from interns like Dr. Ligia.Onofrei who speaks a perfectly unaccented English is from Romania and did her medical school in Denver, Colorado.

(OK, a medical prankster of sorts, I plead guilty as with this photoshopped joke and faux memo)  It appears with a little more instruction in my Clausonian training blog:  Santa's Cosmic Sleigh, Howe to Build Your Own North Pole.

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