"But I'm doin' it Better than YOU DID!"

I'm writing a new book entitled MARSHMALLOW MARKETING for our fall term at Highland Community Education where I have led a class in web design and marketing for several years.

Caught one in the eye
during rehearsal.  Pain is FAKED for
the camera

My teaching style is collaborative, and as it says in my profile, I seek the truth wherever I find it...and then we share as fellow students.  

Since the 24th of July (See Bennee Brothers Marshmallow Team Star on KTVX ABC 4 Utah)  I've thoroughly enjoyed getting up early and "checking the trap line"  Watching the statistics grow and grow.

If a trapper doesn't check the trap line every day he misses the opportunity cost of harvesting the pelt and re setting the trap.   The Internet has made that grueling chore a treat!  (See MARSHMALLOW MARKETING the little blog post that became a pretty effective TEXT BOOK)

This whole excitement; the anticipation of seeing what's out there...and the varied countries' representatives that check in on what seems to be a pretty regular basis has made my life exciting again at 65.   Statistically I can "sense", for example that I have a couple of folks in RUSSIA who either read me in the original English or have a pretty effective translation system.

Welcome to the
United Nations
on my blog!

No comments yet in the Russian Language...but I have a translation app if my new friend(s) wanted to leave a trail ?!?!.  

Please feel included WHATEVER wonderful country you come from to read my stuff.  As a comic and comedian, I love to see the whites of your eyes. Statistically I get to do that as I check the trap line of my blog daily.

(Somebody said that Russians are pretty universally bored to live in America because there is no Secret Police to dodge and out smart.  Makes perfect sense to me)

There's always that danger of being "found out"  but after Peristoika I thought a certain freedom existed there   I'd love to correspond with someone of a like mind through the comments section of a favorite post.  

To confess, I have only had 8 comments on this blog since it's beginning and four of those were tests that originated with ME!

Now to the Trapper story:

Once upon a time in the old West of America an Old Trapper was preparing to retire and move to town.  Like any good entrepreneur, he decided to sell his most prized possession--a trap line with all the gear, traps included....and the benefit of his wisdom for more than 20 years of making a very tidy living in the snows of the Rocky Mountains.

He even advertised in the local frontier paper and an applicant showed up.  The new guy was young and eager and took written notes as the old trapper explained the nuances and intricacies of his beloved Trap Line.   

As part of the deal he agreed to visit from time to time and do a little coaching.  The day came.  The youngster signed a contract, made a small down payment and the Old Trapper gave up his cabin to the youngster and moved to a small hotel room in town, preparing to build a new cabin on the outskirts of the little village.   Everything went well for the old trapper and one day, he remembered he had made a pledge to return now and again...and figured that today would be the day.

It was a bright, golden morning in early winter...when the traps best yielded their fuzzy, furry bounty.   Old Trapper thought he would catch the newby enjoying the best success of his young new career!  With some anticipation Old Trapper snowshoed through the snow at the end of the trail and gently knocked on the door of his own old cabin.  A wisp of smoke from the fireplace indicated New Trapper would be at home....and a plaintive cry came from within:  "Go Away!"

This disturbed the older man.  Trappers like most mountain men, welcomed company and New Trapper was obviously NOT happy to see anyone.  It was the first sign that ALL was not well with New Trapper or their Trap Line.   If he was following instructions he should be rolling in furs and able to pay Old Trapper a handsome percentage, but alas there was trouble in paradise.

Slowly Old Trapper creaked open the cabin door.  Locks that far out there were unthinkable....and there was New Trapper still in bed gone past noon.

"Oh, its you!" the younger man muttered.

"Yes, I came to celebrate!"

"Celebrate WHAT!" Young Trapper said suprized.

"Our terrific success!" came back the concerned reply. "What's the trouble, son?"

"Well," New Trapper began with a little enthusiasm.  "I've made a few CHANGES!!!!!"

"Changes? Hows that goin' for you?" disappointed Older Trapper sat down in a chair he had built himself, as if watching his future flying slowly through the "winder" of the old cabin!

New Trapper explained that since he was alone...he lacked the discipline to keep to the rigors of the Older man's instructions.  "Oh the traps are all full when I check 'em...but that's only once or twice a week!  Old Trapper shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

The trap line that had fed and clothed him and gave him money for his savings and plenty of coins to jingle in his jeans when he got down to town in the Summer had been neglected, squandered, effectively destroyed until somebody came back with the simple discipline to check the traps every day.

Then new trapper admitted it wasn't working as well as the Old Man had promised and added the boast of youth and inexperience..."But I'm don' it Better than YOU DID!"

Old Trapper just laughed and planned to work the rest of the winter making sure junior got up and out to check the trap lines EVERY DAY!

NOTE:  One of the things I teach is how to make money with your blog!  Adsense places related four line ads in the margins and at the bottom.   I told a Web Design and Marketing class that if enough folks clicked the Adsense ads, and I got paid a percentage of the "click rate" and a healthy percentage for anyone smart enough to actually buy something, by the end of the term we'd have enough money in my account for a little ice cream social on the last evening of our class.  OOOPPPPS! Didn't read enough of the small print in the agreement I signed with Adsense...and I got a CEASE AND DESIST order by E-mail and the Adsense content was yanked.  Double Oops!!!

I appealed and was denied,vdfee- sine die!   I learned a hard lesson and we did the pot luck thing for the last night and had ice cream and cake ANYWAY!   So there, Adsense.

Finally, One of my favorite blogs is about the nuances of making money IN OTHER WAYS WITH YOUR BLOG--with a little Christian philosophy on handling that beloved filthy lucre.  Send me a comment and I'll give you the link!!!  The idea is that a blog like this with more than 3,000 hits over two years is approaching critical mass.  Advertisers for, well, Depends, Arthritis Cream and geriatric advice are out there looking for just this kind of blog.   They want exclusivity and could care less if Adsense has bounced me...so that's the next step.

My primary goal was to write a GRAMPA IN TRAINING Book as the saleable component of a geriatric speaking career.  I'm finalizing the first of several volumes for paper and ink production, but by the end of September the free blog will be limited to the first 25 words of the blog and a generous offer to swipe a piece o' plastic and buy the post for a DOLLAR A HOLLAR.  (That's an old peanut whistle small market radio term for cheap advertising.  It's been my "design" to follow my mentor Vernon Thompson's sage idea that people who give their e-mail and download a PDF of the post (or a small book for a small price) will qualify him/herself for a bigger PDF for a bigger price and possibly for something even bigger.   

That would have worked, but a stubborn boss turned down the idea in favor of sending out speaking teams to seminars and buying a coaching package if a free cruise was included for a multi-thousand dollar price tag.   Trouble was there WAS NO FREE CRUISE and if the real estate market hadn't tanked in 2008 and bankrupted our little juggernaut, the CANNED SPAM ACT and our own dissatisfied customers would have shut us down anyway.   

As a last gasp, little boss man, the tugboat captain, changed the name of the company, doubled the price of the package...and came with crocodile tears to the last meeting of a shocked staff to announce he "HAD TO CLOSE THE DOORS" and give us good references to the local Unemployment office under the guise of Reduction in Force.  

If you don't have a budget, but you do have a Masters in Business with honors from a prestigious local university....sometimes you think you can outrun the problems "by the seat of your pants".... IT WAS NOT TO BE!   Like the Young Trapper he failed to check the Trap Lines every day.  Sad, really!

Marshmallow Marketing - The beginning of a whole new book

First there was the appe--then, soon after came the marshmallow, then the TV appearance, then the email on the 24th of July and now.....the text book entitled MARSHMALLOW MARKETING.  This is the story of a ten year product developoment cycle and brand building project that all reached a high point on July 19th on air of a mid morning show on KTVX ABC 4 Utah in Salt Lake City.   Enjoy this over and over as I have..then take a look at the statistics and the unexpected fun below the video 

(Credit goes to Peter Bennee for the still pictures)

Here's the provenance:

On Thursday, July 19, 2012 the founder of Grampa in Training on blogspot was invited to demonstrate Marshmallow shooters on the popular Salt Lake City Channel ABC 4 Utah (KTVX)  Jon Robert Howe, World Class Santa and toy critic appered with the Bennee Brothers  All Star Marshmallow Team, and co-hosts Nicea Degering, Gretchen Hansen (former Miss USA and new KTVX News anchor Ann Sterling.

Marshmallow All star Captain, Cole Bennee, 13, and his brothers Noah, 11, and  and Jackson (9) , Prme Shooters for the team were joined by Miles Mootonen (13) , Deputy Captain and his brother Max (9), the Sargent Major of the team.  MacKay Brown, Assistant Target Coordinator whot color coded Marshmallow on the air in their television debut.   Still photos of the production were taken by the Bennee's fther, Team photographer Peter Bennee.

Following the appearance (on the 24th of July--a state wide holiday in Utah--Jon Robert Howe emailed a database of 800 of his friends the message and pictures that MARSHMALLOW SHOOTERS ARE MAKING  A COME BACK (see the insert when Jon announces the blog address near the end of this six minute segment. 

Jon also teaches WEB DESIGN & MARKETING  at Highland Community Education.  The apperance on Channel 4 was the culmination of a ten year product development and brand creation for Jon's innovative GRAMPA IN TRAINING HALL OF FAME project. 

When 2012 classes resume at Highland, Jon has a treat in store for his Fall Semester Marketing and Web Design Students.  Using the STATS feature of the Blogspot program, Jon was able to measure a return on his INVESTMENT/email campaign of nearly 7%, an astouding marketing achievement, even among ""warm leads"  

For a more in depth analysis of the MARSHMALLOW MARKETING pheonomenon that spurred the writing of the course's new text book,this is the place and  (if you live in the Salt Lake City Ogden Provo metroplex consider signing up for the Web Design and Marketing Class to learn how to duplicate the Marshmallow Marketing model.

Here's the contact and address information for Suzanne Hammond, the Director at Highland Community Eduction.  :  Call her after 3 PM, August 27th, 2012for evening class information at Highland High School Highland Community Learning Center 2166 South 1700 East, 84106,  801-481-4891  2:00 - 8:00 M - Th   highlandce@slcschools.org or go to slcschools.org to register on the district's website.

Jon Robert Howe also teaches a Training the Broadcast Voice class using his text book entitled, VOICE BOX TO CASH BOX and a Santa Claus Training Class with his forty year memoir entitled HOWE TO BUILD YOUR OWN NORTH POLE.  EAch member of the class who successfully compoletes the clas gets a free copy of the appropriate text book in a bound and autographed copy. (Duing the class students can mark the text with highlighters and make notes in the margin with a post it note attached--and the personalized book is presented at the end of the six week term as a functional diploma of sorts)

If you would like to send in a nomination for someone to be named to the GRAMPA IN TRAINING HALL OF FAME, download a nomination form at http://grampaintraining.blogspot.com/2010/05/nomination-questionnaire-for-great.html.  There is charge for this FREE public recognition of a heroic grampa in your life.

Go to http://grampaintraining.blogspot.com/2010/05/nomination-questionnaire-for-great.html

Understanding the phenomenon of MARSHMELLOW MARKETING requires a git of preparation.  Einstein was always quoted by my mother, Delma Howe who console me with this quote, and she's ritght.  Working outside the box spending 80 percent of my time dreaming and working on my tan has resulted in this concept.

Bennee Brothers Marshmallow Shooters star with Grampa on GOOD THINGS UTAH (ABC 4 - KTVX)

Happy 24th of July! It's not a Federal Holiday...and post offices will be open for business...but throughout Utah, Family Reunions are celebrating the biggest barbeque of the year with a big Salt Lake City parade that's been going on here since 1847! It's PIONEER DAY otherwise known as the Days of '47!

Among the three legged races for dads and daughters, sawdust hunts for quarters for toddlers and dozens of other wonderful games, teens and tweens especially will limber up their personally crafted MARSHMALLOW SHOOTERS (18-24" PVC pipes with colorful decorations) and out spit each other for fun and prizes.

After my Holladay, Utah friends the Bennee Brothers Marshmallow Shooters appeared on local television with me last Thursday, July 19th the hits on this blog have gone crazy!

Welcome, you Teens and Tweens, Grammas and Grampas (and Parents of all ages) who clicked in to find out how to do it....especially after I sent out hundreds of emails with this message:

Click this link to see the 5' 30" segment from Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Bennee Brothers Marshmallow Shooters are Cole Bennee, Captain; Miles Mottonen , Co-Captain; Noah and Jackson Bennee, Prime Shooters; Max Mottonen , Sgt. Major and McKay Brown, Assistant Target Coordinator. (Watch for the link in a future post to the YouTube report with more behind the scenes pictures and video by Shooter Team photographer Peter Bennee, proud father of the core team leaders!)

I am indebted to a former Web Design and Marketing student and great friend, Winter Redd for the report below about how to build your own Marshmallow Shooters, targets and unique "ammunition" Winter and her husband, Lee, publish a wonderful blog about their newly wed adventures...and this is a wonderful example of their great work:

I use Marshmellow Shooters in my Santa visits--and found a new wrinkle in the Redd Party post: Including crafty fuzz balls and ear plugs. 

Winter is a pharmacist at the Unversity of Utah and a former student at Highland Community Ed Web Design and Marketing several semesters ago. I subscribe to her blog and she follows mine. This is the first time I've copied and published her material. Hope this is a enough credit, where this unique very creative activity is involved.

(As a matter of safety, I've included a cautionary note about using swim goggles or the ones you use in a woodshop to protect your eyes from flying sawdust or wood chips) Marshmallow Target Shooting is the best with some low key, fun grampuncular supervison encouraged. It actually beats paint balls for Teens, Tweens and even little kids...and it's delicious!) Good luck keeping the ammunition from "disappearing"! Color coded separation of multi colored mini marshmallows will help kids eat their "own" shots, if you get my overarching drift?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
 

Don't worry, the pain is
faked!  Don't know why
my big glasses are on my head!

NOTE 1: One thing we learned in the rehearsal the day before the TV debut was that if shooters put several mini marshmallows in their mouths at once, the projectiles will get sticky and stick to the targets. As you can see, I made the mistake of asking our shooters to fire at the camera...and caught one in the eye! It didn't do any damage, but like the boxing post two posts below, caution should be taken....I found swim goggles three for five dollars at RiteAid...and the kids get to keep the goggles and the shooters at the end of the day (if you simulate a paint ball kid vs kid contest)!


NOTE 2: Always plan to give a prize to participants to pick up the stray projectiles that aren't already confiscated or consumed! In the military it's called POLICING YOUR BRASS...and it will save many a gramparent's back bending down to pick up the left over ammo......This fun is best done outside, on clean grass where the five second rule applies!


Here's Winter's story, pictures and videos:

As I mentioned earlier, I was at Girls Camp a week ago. 

The theme for camp was "Sweet is the work of a daughter of God" 

and they played up the "sweet" part by making it Willy-Wonk-aesque
and candy-focused.

All the girls had different colored shirts indicating their "sweet" group.

I was asked to help with a field day activity at camp; there are fun races and
games that are set up as
"Candyland" on a big field. Lee suggested a game with
marshmallow blow dart guns.

Excellent idea!

(For those of you who may not know, it's a blow dart
gun made out of PVC pipes
and marshmallows are used
as ammunition. More on technique later.)

It's really easy to make these blow dart guns.
Head on over to Home Depot or Lowes and go to the plumbing aisle.
You want the 1/2 inch PVC pipes.

$1.63/pipe--that's cheap entertainment and fun!

Oh dear! They are 10 feet long and I needed about 10 to
12 inch pieces, but I don't own a pair of pipe cutters.
Thankfully the Home Depot does (plus a hacksaw or two for bigger
pipes) and let's you use them at the store.

Feeling all handy cutting my pipes at the HD.

Because of the candy theme, Lee helped by "candy
cane-ing" them with red, green and yellow electrical tape.

Lee did a great job making these plain white pipes look like candy canes.

I wanted to tie the blow dart to the candy theme, so we
came up with a game called The Peppermint Ninja
Pow! (Note: We're into ninjas.)

I think my sign turned out pretty cute!

Then we made these targets with varying hole sizes and point values
from foam core.

Easy to make and looks pretty good!

Okay, now let's talk ammunition. Marshmallows are the best in my and Lee's opinion,
but I needed to think of something different since we needed to re-use the ammo at
camp. Marshmallows are not awesome if you need to re-use them.

So I tried out a couple of other things:

1. Foam ear plugs (purchased at Home Depot for about $3.00 for 7 pair) and
   Fluffy craft pompoms (purchased at Walmart for about $3.00 for a pack of 250 varying sizes of poofs).

Lee tested all of these options.

I opted for the fluffy pompoms for the activity since I could buy
them in bulk for pretty cheap. The activity turned out pretty well
and the girls had a lot of fun.

Lee, of course, had to show me the superiority of marshmallows, especially
in machine-gun mode!

Gross! I always put the marshmallow in the gun then blow. Boys and their
spitting skills--sheesh!

Anyway, I think this would be an awesome large group date or mutual activity
if you don't mind getting hit with slightly sticky marshmallows.

Have fun!

Marshmallow Blow Dart Guns

Supplies:

10 to 12 inch long pieces of 1/2 inch PVC pipe

Marshmallows (or foam earplugs or fluffy craft pompoms)

During the Candyland field day activity

It's a Marshmallow World on ABC 4 Utah

July 18, 2012 on Good Things Utah, KTVX-TV ABC 4 Utah
Musical Guest Billy Dean
Natalie and Kate, Nicea Degering's two daughters

TV Producers are usually invisible.   Rox, the Executive Producer (the center of the composite above and below) is much shorter than the lovely co-hosts she guides through the hour- long Good Things Utah.  Rox invited me to come to yesterday's production of  "GTU" a day early in preparation for my Grampa in Training demonstration of MARSHMALLOW SHOOTERS.

Since I had never met Rox, I asked for her at Rosa's receptionist desk at the beautiful TV station on 1700 South at 1300 West in Salt Lake City, Utah when I arrived at 9:15 AM for the 10 AM production.

Mom Nicea, Producer Rox and Kate, GTU Mascot and a new friend

I smiled when little red-headed, seven year old Kate came through the door...and I gave her a big smile and the words, "ROX! You're much younger than you seemed in all those e-mails."

The real Rox, who was standing right behind her just smiled--I was flirting with the youngest daughter of the anchor of "Good Things Utah"  host Nicea Degering.  Kate is the mascot of the production, the darling of the drop dead gorgeous women who co-host the show.  (including Gretchen Jensen and Brianne Johnson with cameras above)

Kate is a regular around the station when her Mom is working, an old hand at greeting guests and guiding them through the backstage labyrinth that surrounds the main news and production studio at the Salt Lake ABC Affiliate.

Kate believed the red suit and the white beard...and told her mother she was buddy-buddy with Santa!

(So Nicea told me when we finally met during the picture taking after the show!)  Nicea is the long term co-host if the show, a very tall, VEEERRRRRY thin woman I had watched at 10 AM for years--and a classy lady! 

Stay tuned.  The next post will have pictures of the Bennee Brother All Stars using PVC Shooters to hit three colorful targets on the classiest show on Salt Lake City Daytime Television!

Boxer Joe: Growing Up In a Big Family

This is a story about a scrappy little friend of mine named Joe, one of 7, soon to be 8 little Dutch Kids just through the block

   

Among my many toys for teaching delayed gratification is two sets of boxing gloves and 2 bright red protective head gears.  Joseph liked the idea of beating his cousins one by one in the squared circle…and he shouted to be first in the ring.

Joe’s first opponent was Tanner, a scrappy little neighbor from across the street who held his own…and the slugfest went a couple of rounds. 

“DON’T HIT HIM IN THE FACE!”, his mother shouted at her tough little kid—still standing and smacking his scrappy little friend.

It’s hard to explain to a mom—---the boxing gloves and the face mask keeps  the blood well inside the nose of one’s opponent…but the fight did seem to go on and on.

Click this Link to see this Post on YouTube

After five rounds both kids were breathing pretty hard, so we took a break and I changed Joe’s boxing buddy… His older brother, James who out weighs his little brother and has much longer arms.

All bullies crumple when opposed by superior force and it wasn’t even close….the otherwise mild-mannered James just stuck out his arm against Joe’s head gear and kept the frantically swinging Joseph at arms lengths shouting to me:

“ Brother Howe…make him fight…IT’S NOT FAIR!”  (Fairness always favor’s the young complainer’s point of view.)  After a few minutes of being out maneuvered by a chuckling older brother,  Joe threw off the gloves and stalked off to his room in the basement (IT WAS A FEW MINUTES) before a sheepish Joe returned to the fun and nobody seemed to notice.

Kids like Joe count on the attention that sulking and fighting attract.   The good news is it doesn’t take Joe long to jump back in (IT’S ALL PART OF GROWING UP IN A BIG FAMILY)

GIT/JRH

When is a Tatoo not just a Tatoo?

I have never understood tatoos--until today.

Much in the manner of a Jewish Prayer Shawl or a Catholic genuflecting in true humility, I learned today that a tatoo can be an, "Outward Sign of an Inward Grace."  A communications tool of the best that's in us.

Sally is a lovely single woman in her early thirties.  She has great friends of both sexes, but for full time companionship, she has decided that Dani is her lifetime companion.  They don't go to protest marches, at least, not any more--and they've found contentment after one successful house sale and one near foreclosure together.

Today at a family dinner she has kind enough (though she didn't need to ask our permission) ask if Rosie and I would be offended if she got a small discreet tatoo in the form of a ring around the base of the fourth finger of her left hand--and she had her reasons at the ready.

There is not "convenient easy shorthanded way" to communicate to an interested guy that she's in a comitted relationship.  In our culture the wedding ring does that easily and quickly with a minimum of confusion.  Trouble is, Sally is a health care professional and washes her hands multiple times daily.  The water gets in under the metal, no matter of what kind, and eats away at her sensitive skin.

A discreet tatoo (technically against company policy where she works, would help solve that problem.

Of course we said yes!  We love her, we support her and her self defense tactics, however unique and personal.

Sally explained that a well-to do man of 57 asked her out, as do many who receive her care--and explained when she changed the subject discreetly that she was wearing no ring.

We laughed and told her that since she was obviously that "scrumptious" she should't be put off by interest from the opposite sex though she is interested only in her own---right now!  Her companion, Dani, said she had told her the same thing more than once.

I took the opportunity to tell her that years ago when she got together with Dani we went to our Bishop and asked him what we should do.  So many were kicking otherwise loving and lovable children into the street for that choice.  He gave us wise advice and we've found it easy to follow with our daughter-- "Just love her!"

I had worried that she would never know the joys of motherhood---at least that's what we used to call it--but somehow both she and Dani have managed to avoid all the having of a baby and still raise two fine sons,  Dani's nephews who come to them when real parental guidance is needed.   At one point the two boys lived with Sally and Dani when their mother couldn't find any other place for the money she was bringing in.  It was Sally and Dani who got the pre teen boys up and off to school, helped them with their lessons, talked to them about the facts of life and became stabalizing influence in their lives.

They have since grown up and on and moved in with others leaving their Mom.  When presents arrived a couple days ago, Sally and Dani got two nice offerings from the boys who always come to visit when they're in town.  Their mom, sadly, got what she deserved.  Nothing this year---maybe being an irresponsible birth mother will merit better treatment as these two boys turn into men...but for now.....

JRH.

The Best Cure for Anger is Delay - Socrates

Consider the many benefits of writing
all your conversations for a while!

Anger can be addictive, especially late at night when the disappointments of the day magnify the emotions.  A change in medication has left a gap in reason and my family must suffer as I reconnect with them through a 30 day readjustmeting period.

As in the best conversations, as host/patriarch/leader and pioneer I find I generate less friction by listening much more than I do by provoking reaction to change.  My wife's encroaching deafness has provided an accidental solution to a time honed dilemma: NOTES!

Much as the portable white board revolutionized the live radio broadcast before a live audience,  I have learned to carry a pad of paper and a wide tipped marker to make comments, reaction and the odd personal request.

Like he man with larangitis, I am more welcome in my own home because I temper my mercurial fits of frustration and short tempered outbursts through the filter of a brief, often complimentary note.  It takes massive discipline, but it's the 21st century version of think before you speak..

Like the cooling saucer of the Senate into which the Founding Fathers hoped would cure the excesses of a hot blooded House, I am welcome back into my own home----with wise words---and the unexpected result is that I have a written record to take to a blog session that would otherwise go untouched!
JRH

BECOMING JANE -- The Singles Ward of its day

The nubile Jane (Anne) Sizes up her future in two men

Anne Hathaway is the quintissential Jane Austin--the Pride and Predjudice author who parlayed pain and suffering into a comedy of manners as a young writer.  Tonight as a 2011 Boxing Day treat we capped a day of family and food with a little light DVD fare--and a chick flick with a timeless message.

As I wacthed it appeared to me a Victorian dating ritual that is as old as the fifth grade school yard of any age. Though the long term appeal of enough money to sustain a fine family has been replaced with the spark of courtship and what passes for true love on campus or afterward--flirting with the eyebrows and impossible pot stirring previals in both time frames.  

Even the Little League mom in Maggie Smith comes to the fore in the Victorian Age as an elderly woman fights with every weapon at her command to achieve a great companion for her dullard son.

Obese Member of of the Clean Plate Club? Guilty!

Old Food Habits Die Beneath the Belt!

Two wonderful children of the Depression raised me out in Laramie, Wyoming.  "Take what you eat, then eat what you take!"  All five kids in our family were taught to clean our plates--and to this day, my wife expects it. No left overs!  That's her battle cry!

She is the daughter of a butcher--lots of meat at dinner (our biggest meal of the day) and melt in your mouth mashed potatos are still a sign a sign of love, acceptance between us.  Sadly and proudly all at once:  I am a poster child for my wife's great cooking--and yet, as a diabetic, my doctor sayes I MUST lose weight!  Top all these mental and engrained conflicts I have ome to accept the fact that I'm addicted to food--it's color, it's texture, it's volume and it's taste.  When I go to a chinese restaurant I suffer from a syndrome with no name:  My stomach is full to bursting and my brain tells me I can still eat more!  What am I to do!

Exercise and eat everything I want?  Nope--never happen!  I'm at that age where bad knees keep me from walking.  Weak ankles, low center of gravity--and a similar addiction to sitting for hours in front of the computer to write, design, do fun earn at home activities and hours and hours of church work---I'd be a basket case, but I'm just too big for the basket!

My old explanation told with a chuckle that I've always told folks about my size is getting old.  "It's easier to play Santa than to lose weight!"  I really want to never have to tell that joke again--but I'm in a no win situation.  I love to eat--and I can't waddle away from aromatic, tasty temptation for the sake of slim!

My slat thin 35 year old son came up for a snack overheard me reading this to his mother and cut to my quick, "It's called SELF CONTROL, Dad!" he shouted.  "Shut up!  I said sweetly, "Shut the full plate of Thanksgiving Turkey UP!"

Modern intake philosophy have taught me to eat sparingly--cut the plate in half.  I don't want to cuz I love food--especially as my wife fixes it so well and especially for me.  Her self image is riding on my burping gratitude for her nightly offering of the glut of calories, fat, starch and a little sugar--with a little treat--or two or three just before bed.  How can I refuse such a delicious temptress who loves me so well in so many other ways?  I can't offend her with any diet plans---and to show me she REALLY loves me--She keeps it coming.

As Santa I've been trained to give out stickers and not treats because psychologists say that kids who get tasty treats from Santa to make them happy--turn to food when they're lonely and sad--and they get fat!

In her head she knows she shouldn't--but she can't help herself and as a result neither can I.

We've purified our water to keep the toxins out of my belly fat.

Breakfast is an apple--may be with a little low fat greek yogurt.   I dry fry my own single egg smattering of protien wrapped in a gluten free tortilla every day at 1.  I make two with the frustrated desire to eat the second one for dinner at 4--and then my sweet kitchen general wheels out the nightly feast and I crumble.

I set a goal to lose 25 pounds before my next doctor's visit--and I was well on my way until we postponed the visit for two months and I fell victim to more and more dark chocolate-- the extra piece or two of her fudgy applesauce cake--I gained back five pounds and I gave up!

The thought just came to me to buy five or six tupperware square boxes and put into each box ONLY what I could have--Each box would have a time limit--and I would eat NOTHING, I repeat N O T H I N G but what was in the boxes. Good Luck--if rules were made to be broken--these boxes would last for three days tops!

I heard about all kinds of unique diets:  The Dolly Parton diet--two ice cream scoops brimming with what every you REALLY wanted to eat--and the rest of the meal:  Cabbage Soup!  Yummy!@#$%^&*%$#

Theres the cut the plate in half diet--but unless you put the other half of the delicious meal in a bowl, seal it and force yourself to eat it tomorrow for lunch--it just lies there calling your name.

A radio play from the old days spun the apocryphal story of a little Cuban lady who lost her son in the Communist rise to power and she signs on to kill Fidel Castro by "poisoning" him with her mouth watering highly caloric/cholesterolic cooking.  I've kidded my wife that the habits of her 50s up bringing is slowly expanding my waist line to it's heart attack limit, but how can you berate a woman who slaves all day in the kitchen to please your palate and harden your arteries?

( My great cook applied to work at a cooking implement store nearby and a snooty HR type asked her to fill out an application that included the question, "Give some evidence that you know your way around the kitchen."   My wife jokingly wrote, "When we were first married 30 years ago my husband had a 36 inch waist--it's balooned up to 52 inches and growing."   The snooty applications clerk found nothing funny in that but the rest of the store heard about and laughed and laughed.

"So tell me Doctor," how do I get my wife to change habits of a life time and feed me salads for dinner and tiny meals mascarading as samples and tastes?"  Old habits die hard and part of me, the part that flops over my belt never wants her to stop!   Help!  I'm drowning in a sea of tasty gravey, stuffing and all the turkey I can eat!

(I read this post to my wife who nodded knowingly--and with an unbending resolve to keep loading me up.  With a keen sense of skewer she reminded that tonight especially --with Turkey and all the trimming--I was haunting the kitchen, snitching out of the mashed potato bowl and getting finger fulls of the mouthwateringly delicious stuffing---and stuffed myself BEFORE my plate was served!)

Wavering character in the face of delicious temptation!  (That may be inscribed on my tombstone as they lower my vastly overweight body into the ground in a coverted piano crate--because I wouldn't fit in a standard size even extra wide coffin!  Pallbearers--hope---six fork lifts!   Never mind my ample demise!  When it smells good and looks great--I'm tuckin' in-- Stay tuned.  There are no easy fixes.

JRH

Mitt puts Energy and Jobs up Front with Rifkin for his Energy Secretary!

First Romney Appointment
Rifkin to Energy Secretary

November 6, 2011:  Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney raised the stakes in the Presidential race today by naming the first member of his cabinet exactly one year before the 2112 elections.

"Jeremy Rifkin, energy consultant and author of the book, The Third Industrial Revolution: Toward a New Economic Paradigm (excerpt) has agreed to serve as Energy Secretary in the first Romney administration." the Republican candidate for president announced from his national campaign headquarters in New Hampshire.  

"In making this announcement," Romney continued, "Jeremy and I hope to move the presidential debate away from lesser things toward the most important issue facing our country in the next four years:.   Energy powers our homes and businesses.  Developing it in the way that Rifkin planned systems are already doing all over Europe and.just beginning in Vermont, Florida and Hawaii is improving lives and the economy, Most important it's creating great, high tech jobs."

Rifkin responded that he welcomed the challenge to be the Romney point man on Energy in the coming months of the campaign and the first. Rimney administration.

:In every major transition in the history of this country, practical visionaries have led the way:  Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Steve Jobs guided the market place toward products and processes that changed and continue changing our lives.  I believe Mitt Romney is that man!  His background and his intellect are well suited to champion the cause for a new change in the way we generate and pay for green energy from the forces that exist in abudance all around us.  I am honored to assist him in that vital effort."

Before publishing his landmark book on developing two way energy at home and at work--then distributing it through a energy sharing network like the Internet throughout the country and around the world,  Rifkin engineered energy development and storage systems in cooperative systems in currently, more than 50 European countries.  He and his partners are already doing it!

As he concluded the news conference, Romney challenged his fellow Republicans and President Obama to make the issues the primary focus of the next year of campaigning by taking the initiative as he did today.

"When the American voters know more about the members of the teams we propose and the programs we will put in place when one of us hits the ground running in January of 2013, they can make a more informed choice.": Romney concluded.  "Jeremy Rifkin is a man of proven new concepts that are already producing energy and jobs overseas.  He wants to work with us here to do the same thing for America."  I want to be your President to help him do that."

"The race for the presidency should be more than a beauty contest,.  Today, I take a bold step to raise the rhetoric of this campaign towards more substance--toward proven ideas that will help us rise to our stature as the number one economy in the world, again.  

"Ronald Reagan helped us raise our sights with a campaign that convinced us that it was Morning in America.   I tell you, the sun rises every day--and when we're ready, when we are prepared, when we make the plans to do what is already working in other countries -- we will greet our next tomorrows with a new Amcerican Destiny--powered by green, affordable energy and jobs for every man and woman who can qualify to help get us there!"   

DISCLAIMER:  Of course this is fabricated from the whole cloth of the current presidential race--but suppose......?

For more information listen to a pod cast of an interview with Jeremy Rifkin by Diane Reihm, NPR from her broadcast this morning, LINK:  http://thedianerehmshow.org/audio-player?nid=14982     

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