Friday, July 9, 2010

Gramkids Gottawanna! (Grampa can HELP!)

An ad for a Massage Therapy School features a cute brunette pixie telling the camera, "I chose what success looked like to me and they showed me how to get there."  Such a good advertising line has the seeds of success in it.

Youngins including our own, seem to want OUT of a bad employment situation much more than they want IN to a better one.   As I listen to our near and dear pray to, "Get OUT of a tough job--I learn about the gap in their logic. (It's been said that most folks will work harder to hold on to what they've got than gamble on the possibility of reaching out for something better) 

In D&C 9, a revelation informs Oliver Cowdry that not only did he NOT continue as he commenced--he took no thought save it was to ask the Lord to translate the Book of Mormon's Golden Plates.   After watching Joseph Smith "easily" translating the plates as he took dictation, Oliver must have learned a new dimension in heavenly education that "dried up" for him when he did not obey the laws involved in getting the Holy Ghost's help.  There is a bit of a heavenly formula at work here. Sudy it out in your own mind, make a decision and take it to the Lord in prayer.  Then he will either confirm it with a warm feeling (Burning in the bosom) or a Stupor of Thought.   In that formula the GOTTAWANNA precedes the Study step.

Suffering often precedes the Faith that precedes the Miracle!

Gramkids suffering from low resources and skint income--sometimes learn that if they pay their tithing, obeying the laws of wealth and heavenly partnership--they find their wallet blossoming in unexpected ways.  For many, money dribbles in year in year out--and the lessons goes unlearned--angst builds--drinking, smoking, discouragement all increase... It's wantin' out---with no willingness to wanna learn the truth about real wealth and getting in.

The late LDS President Ezra Taft Benson, former secretary of Agriculture in the Eisenhower Administration once shared the secret of escaping this pigmy thinking:

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”

That principle of choosing a path and following direction is more powerful in a Grampa-Mentor-Gramkid Follower relationship than stumbling around alone in a well meant but superficial and feeble effort.

Bumper sticker philosophy applies:  DISTRACTIONS ARE DANGEROUS.  Though this three word warning applies more to driving than life planning--the danger of distractions is the opportunity cost that stall better life plans while gramkids (and gramparents) chase the flibbertygibbits and fly-by-nights!

How does a Great Grampa take the slum-like thinking of ESCAPE  and turn it to POSITIVE PROGRESS?  Section 9---Study it out by listening and discussing options in kindness.  Proper goal setting and better crafted prayers and follow up--these all figure in.   Remember a good idea is only a wish until it's written down--When a written goal is combined with a plan--leaning forward --progress begins!

Rather than yearn to escape the tough job situation, we've learned to talk about the top three companies where the job seeker would really like to work.  Thank takes Faith, imagination, research--in short HARD WORK. (The sad reality in this age of instant resume transmission  is that unemployed or wanna-be-better-employed send out a wide net of resumes only to be rejected for months and months.)  Hoping for the right job to open up is leaning backward.   A "leaning forward" plan works far better.  Stealthy job seekers should take a page out of the CIA--and "go to school" on at least three companies that have the the job they want--whether it's currently filled or not.

The Co-anchor of the Number 1 KSL Local news in Salt Lake City,  Nadine (Deenie) Wimmer did it this way--  She decided she wanted to work in broadcasting.  She found out the best station with the best salary and benefits.  In her study (a class project at the University of Utah) she learned that entry level assignment editors and reporters got a chance to anchor on weekends and, if they were good enough, could become a high paid local anchor star.

Deenie's strategy after all the research, was to build a "contact" on the inside--and she used the Chinese Water Treatment method.  Every two or three days, she would call the assignment editor and ask for a job on the assignment desk.   The first thirty or forty times she got a cold shoulder and a courteous, "Oh, it's you again..." treatment.   Slowly her persistence began to make an impact. 

Finally after a month and a half of regular calls from Deenie,  the Assignment Editor changed her mind.  "OK, Deenie---I've thought about it--and if you're this persistent as a job seeker--you'll do well working here.   Promise me one thing, though.  If you come down today and fill out an application, will you promise not to call me any more?"  They both laughed...and Deenie was "IN"  She's been principal anchor at 6 and 10 for the last ten years--including anchoring local coverage of the Salt Lake City Olympics in 2002.  (Her brother in law shared with me some inside information--that management was thinkin' of replacing her and bringing in a "name" for the international event.  They never did!)

So how do you actually help the older child pull off such an employment miracle?  The key is a christlike virtue for you to improve in practice--It's all about changing one special mind to think "THINK FORWARD!" enough to pick three ideal companies and  "KINDLY FOLLOW UP!" in building an inside friend and launching Chinese Water Torture.  

(As much as the head gets it---it takes a while for the heart to buy in---and the skill level to be ABLE to do the kind of diplomacy and proactive follow up--for some folks, this may just be TOO HARD!  Maybe they need to suffer under the old ineffectual system ) 


Instead of raising your voice over the blare of the TV--and using that Inquisative Interogative tone in a negative, guilt loading way---try turning the TV off and letting the kid get whatever is on his chest---OFF! 


2.  REALLY LISTEN--for clues about the direction of the job search--and lovely distractions that may be getting in the way.

3.  BOB AND WEAVE WITH CARING QUESTIONS that help encourage the heart to recommit to the 3 company water torture follow-up process

4.  ONLY GIVE ADVICE WHEN ASKED--then make it short--even in Question Form.   Leading the witness is only technically wrong in a court of law.  Anything that gets a child of any age to come to a conclusion--a new resolution---that's just fine.  

5. KINDLY  LISTEN TO THE HEART FIRST--then the head!  It's all about the relationship you have nurtured for so long.  The best relationship scripture I know is the 121st section of the Doctrine and Covenants.  It is the best key to avoid nagging and building great relationships for success.   In verse 43 below, what is it that greatly enlarges the Soul (of both the Grampa and the Gramkid?)

  42 By KINDNESS, and pure knowledge, which shall GREATLY ENLARGE THE SOUL without hypocrisy, and without guile
  43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
  44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

Nagging is pulling up the flowers to see how the roots are doing--but the selected  flowers die in the process.

Dear pediatrician neighbor  John Siddoway dropped by one winters night making up for our regular home teacher.   the kids were teenagers who loved him.  He'd examined them and treated them ...His lesson was mostly for the parents...and Rosie and I got this message.   When he had our full attention he knelt down on the carpet and encouraged the kids to do the same.  He pulled a little six inch cord out of his pocket.

"What's the best way to move the string ?  he asked us.  "Can you push the string to get it to move as you wish?" Then he pushed the string with his finger. It just bunched up and lay there on the carpet.

Ever the teacher, Brother Dr. John asked the kids, "What do you think is the best way to move the string?"  Somewhere between the end of his formal medical schooling and that day,  John had learned a valuable teaching and sales tool ---'HELP THE STUDENT/PROSPECT DISCOVER THE SOLUTION AND SAY IT OUT LOUD!  Sally blurted out, "Pull it! 

"Yes, that's right!  Does that same principle work in relationships --like between you and your folks?"

"Jeff spoke up--"It does--I hate to be pushed."   Dr. John tried to keep a straight face..."Well that's something you could talk about after I leave-- Could we say a word of prayer?

What an excellent, brief lesson that got us thinkin'. 

Sometimes we are afraid to break out of the nagging-guilt loading that almost always leads to failure.

FEAR is an acronymn:  False Evidence Appearing Real.  All fear does is prevent you from making progress toward your dreams.

At this writing, Lindsay Lohan has just been sentenced to 90 days in jail (Like her cruisin' buddy Paris Hilton), and come to think of it, like Martha Stewart--for other excesses.  Jail can sometimes give an opportunity for sober reflection.  It's an adult time out.

Lindsay Lohan ---  The time to "fix" the problem that's landed the young starlet-corowser in jail for 90 days---was back before she re-made the Parent Trap.  Back when Vitamin N (NO) would have made a difference and taught the young star how to apply some of Vitamin N to herself!    Interesting that an expert in courtroom behavior believes that Lohan is only bitter and vindictive--not truly feeling.  Her only un-bidden tears were when the gavel came down on the session and she realized that she would be out of circulation! 

Where's the trusted Grampa in that situation? JWC

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