Saturday, May 1, 2010

LOVE: Screwdriver or Bubble Bath

Grampa must be a statesman--a negotiator, a strategist and a loving enabler of growth through subtle, often unseen means. 

Years ago I theorized about LOVE in human relationships--is it a tool, like a screw driver to FIX someone like you FIX something?  Or, is it an atmosphere like the bubblebath in the picture that encourages trust and growth at a more comfortable rate?

I fear I crossed the line last night in conversation with a young friend with challenges to face.  I hauled out my screw driver and tried to tweak my friend's attitude and method of dealing with the complexity of his life-- speed things up!  I've learned over and over that YOU feel better when you try to do such a thing, but the object of your "LOVE" often gets angry and closes you out!  End of discussion; sometimes end of friendship!

The key back in is an ongoing  loving conversation-  a bid for connection (See Turn-to-or-Turn-against-Bids-for Connection) -- which becomes what I likely should have used all along: The Bubble Bath!

The Helpful Boy and the Unfortunate Butterfly

The story goes that a young fella saw a crysalis with a butterfly emerging.  Being a helpful lad, he ran to the house and got his mother's sewing scissors and gently cut the coccoon so the emerging butterfly could get out more easily.

You know the result.  The sad little insect fluttered and died.

Seems the act of fighting to emerge on its own, gave the butterfly strength to survive the change from crawling catepillar to soaring butterfly.

It could have used a little bubblebath instead of well meant tooling.

My friend needed an intervention, I believe last night and do still believe this morning.    Letting him wallow in the best of Bubblebaths with his forehead creased and his win at all costs attitude could go on forever with out a dash of cold water to the face, yes, a little truth to power.

In the final analysis he's still speaking to me.  He understands that he needs to change...and immediately, though he resents my methods, he's got something to think about.

It's hard to receive His image in our countenance, especially in a harsh business atmosphere.   Maybe someday, when he's retired the image will appear as he learns to Turn Toward as the Savior would. JRH

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